I remember the days when you would see herds of women navigating their way through the tight quarters of any busy establishment so as to go on a “team pee”. I never really understood it but always found it amazingly intriguing that the desire to talk and urinate correlated so much. You don’t really see that anymore do you? Very often it may be teams of at the most 2 or 3, but our smart phones have even replaced our group bathroom activities. Why would I want to go with 16 other people to the bathroom when I can access my whole friends list on FB and read my twitter feed while I drop the kids off at the pool?? And men are just as guilty! Now I don’t have to have that awkward chat with the stranger at the urinal next to me. I can say with certainty that the next time I use the bathroom I will have one hand directing my urine stream while the other scrolls my FB newsfeed. If you thought my aim was bad before, you should see it now that I text and pee. Maybe that should be illegal too?
How many of us have heard/uttered the following phrase, “He/she forgot to text me, they were super busy with work and didn’t have the time”?
It seems almost shocking that despite our hands and ears being stuck to our phones almost 24/7 we still think that this is a viable excuse in the pursuit of a partner… I certainly admit to having said it (although I won’t do it after this… I swear… *cough *cough).
It’s an amazing phenomenon that with the world at our fingertips and the ability to communicate across the planet (and even to the moon) we can’t slip away to write a 10 second text. The truth is that I think that we are so wrought with technology and communication, and so immersed with our cell phones and computers that we have begun, and continue to dehumanize our day to day communications. This effect is two-fold, not only do we take away from the quality of our interactions with every person in our life, but we also can have many more of these robotic communications because of the ease of “touching base” with so many people through the available technologies. Although there are many more options on how to communicate, what we choose remains very important.
Not surprisingly, a study looking at our choice of communication medium and how it affects a team within a work environment published in the Harvard Business Review ranked communication as “most effective” to “least effective” in the following order:
- Video conference (skype, facetime, etc)
Although this applied to the workplace, communication is communication. The quality of the communication you choose to use has the same value whether the relationship is professional or romantic, it’s the content that determines context.
Allow me to elaborate…
Think about the impact of technologies, how they have affected the dating world and the level at which we consider the sincerities of intentions. Being single and having dated a myriad of ages (you’re probably eligible if you’re legal), I am shocked how different ages expect different forms of communication, especially at the beginning! For example, I find some girls prefer texting at first, and others appreciate a phone call. Can we just organize a meeting and agree on what proper protocol is? You ask for chivalry but you’re uncomfortable with a phone call? This is like trying to have a conversation while the hormones are out of whack. None of it really makes sense, we just pretend to understand.
In all seriousness though, I think it’s funny that a person is willing to meet for a drink after having only texted. Yet my voice and how I speak would probably be most predictive of how potentially crazy or the opposite, how amazing I could be. Which should ultimately be the way we decide whether alcohol should be ingested together. Right? In addition, people will sext, send a picture of their dong or wrap their boobs up in a bow and send those before they’ll pick up a phone. That makes sense right? Good, I’m glad we’re all on the same page.
Technology has made it simpler to communicate with multiple people, and this in turn has people thinking that monogamy is now much more challenging. I totally disagree. Our reach and ability to meet so many more people has risen exponentially. We have more options and the opportunity to meet so many amazing people from all over the world! But as we have all these tools to communicate, we have lowered the bar for what we expect from a pursuer, a potential mate. The reverse should be true!
By meeting more people, we should be raising our standard and holding this new dating pool to a higher benchmark. Time is precious, so next time someone says they “didn’t have time to text you” move on and find someone who’s willing to get off that toilet and take you on a date. If you want to be with one person forever, start respecting yourself and making decisions that replicate that desire. You have the right to be picky, and more importantly have incredible expectations of those that you give your time and heart to.