Do You Know Why You Enter Relationships?

If you had told me at 25 years old that the purpose of relationship was to create a partnership, one which invited each other to become our greatest selves, I wouldn’t have understood what you were saying. I thought we just fell in love, whatever that meant, and then had a family and stayed together forever.

Maybe happy, maybe not.

I didn’t see that my partner was an invitation to my evolution.

Most of us blindly choose love, and a lot of our decisions in relationships come from subconscious drives. Most of the time this works for a while. Till it doesn’t. And often, at this point of heartbreak and emotional rock-bottoms, is when we start wondering why we’ve done what we’ve done? We start to question if we’ve been doing it right all along.

We wake up to the fact that we haven’t really been in control. We’ve been picking relationships and what we think are partnerships to satisfy lists, the beliefs we were taught through religion, culture, and society. And on top of that, a lot of us have chosen to participate in relationships to escape our loneliness. We were taught that being in a relationship is rewarded over being single. We were told that marriage is the ultimate destination.

The sad part is that, under all of those pressures put upon us, no one teaches us how to get this relationship/marriage we all seek. “They” don’t tell us what composes great relationships. They don’t teach us how to understand our psychology and why we may choose the things we choose. How to evolve past our pain and wounds…and how to take control of our relationship choices so that we stop choosing love that satisfies those around us, that saves us from ourselves… And instead how to choose love that nurtures our souls and contributes to our growth and evolution.

It’s important to note that not everyone is going to wonder. For some people this subconscious choosing is enough. They don’t want more. And they don’t have to.

But for me it’s different. For me I wanted to understand what love means for me and why I want to share in a partnership. And I remind you, as I remind myself, that those who don’t want to look within will be the ones criticizing our desire to grow into our hearts. They’ll want to hold us back from finding great love and partnership. It’s not because they’re mean or they have bad intentions, it’s because the choices we’re making become reflections of their greatest fears; to leap into the unknown and pursue our hearts. Choices they haven’t made.

So let them do their thing, while we do ours. It’s not our job to tell others what they should want from relationship, and it’s imperative that we do not stay small or withhold our hearts so as to have them feel safe.

It’s our job to dive deep towards what our soul calls for, and in doing that, it invites all of those around us to do the same.

relationship advice, dating advice, positive psychology, nyc, vancouver, mark groves

Relationships offer a window into our “stuff”. They trigger us because they invite us to grow. And even more importantly, they have a purpose for us, and that can be different for everyone.

So, I ask you to consider this:

What are your ultimate goals/intentions for why you’re entering(or in) a relationship?

In order to enter into and be in a relationship, are you becoming who you think you need to be, to be loved? Or do you get to be yourself?

If you are changing who you are at your core, why? What parts of yourself do you not accept? Are they things that are out of alignment with your integrity?

How do you want your relationship to make you feel? How do you want your partner to feel?

How committed are you to maintaining that relationship environment?

What is the role relationships serve in your life?

If we’re already in a relationship, then the answer to these questions allows us and our partners to navigate our relationship in the direction of what we both actually want. It offers the opportunity for us to co-create a partnership that has us both feeling fulfilled.

If we’re single, then once we know these answers we can choose people who share a similar vision as us. We seek people who seek what we seek. By setting intentions, we guide our awareness to identify these people, and let the ones who don’t have the same intentions/desires go.

Love is only blind if we let it be. Don’t let it be.