Category Archives: Couples

sex, religion, culture, dating advice, relationship advice, positive psychology, human connection

The Lies We’ve Been Told About Sex

Slut is an extremely powerful word, isn’t it? In four letters we have managed to encapsulate all of the shaming we, as humans, connect with female sexuality.

Of course the shaming of sexuality and sexual freedom is not reserved for just women. Society and culture have tried to control and dictate how we wish to love and our ability as men and women to choose what sort of sex we want.

Think of one of the main questions that guides our selection of partner and is a source of much conflict and insecurity. It has ended, and will continue to end relationships before they have even begun:

”How many people have you been with?”

As men and women, we can both feel the cringe if we’ve had a few “too many” sexual partners when this question pops up. It usually comes out of nowhere over a casual drink or during the post-coital cuddle… right when we thought everything was going soooooo great. Boom.

And we freeze. Why? Because this number carries a lot of weight and judgment.

The answer to this question is enough to say “No” to a wonderful and viable partner. A system taught someone – and those people taught us – that sexuality and our sexual freedom are reflective of our value systems and strength of character.

Amidst all this drama, do we ever really take the time to appreciate that falling for a beautiful heart is rare?!? And that no matter how that heart got in front of us, we should be appreciative?!? If there were a couple of questionable bangs on the way, is that enough to put the brakes on? We should acknowledge that just ONE tiny shift in their history and that person would not be sharing our gaze. 

Wow. Deep. Shit.

“Oh wait, you’ve slept with more than seven people?! OMG. You’re basically a parking lot. I can’t date you. I can’t love you.”

If sexuality and sexual freedom brings our character into question, then what do we think about the many wise and amazing human beings who found themselves and learned their lessons through sexual exploration and being open-minded about making mistakes? Do these folks lack character? Does experience really make us wiser? Or is wisdom only reserved for wholesome choices that are approved by religion and the culture police?

This fear of sexuality has very much framed how we look at relationships and the stories we’ve been told about what is “right” and “wrong”.

The very nature of everything, I, and everyone else on this planet, are taught about relationships and love is a stretched and manipulated version of truths.

A little white lie won’t hurt anyone… right?! How about a lot of white lies?

Let me give you some examples:

• Monogamy is the only way

• You need to be married by 30

• You must have kids by 35 (women especially)

• Female sexual freedom is a HUGE NO-NO

• Gay marriage is bad

• Polyamory is shameful

• Every relationship needs to last forever, if they don’t, we are failures

• Divorce is bad

• Being in a relationship is more important than being happy and single

• Sexuality is bad. Discovering your sexuality is worse. And sharing your body with more than one person is immoral. Especially if you’re a woman.

And fear of sexual freedom underpins each and everyone of these beliefs. From the moment of conception, these beliefs are indoctrinated into us through media, religion and culture – all the source of much guilt and shame.

Isn’t it crazy that sex, the very thing that brought us into this world, is the thing we deny most?

And on top of that, we are so afraid of female sexual freedom that we have built systems around controlling it.

But what is the fear of embracing sex? 

What is the fear of gay people falling in love and entering the union of marriage? 

Is marriage really that sacred? 

The divine heterosexuals who rule the institution of marriage are divorcing at a rate of 50% and even those who remain married are often addicted to pornography and are busy perusing the profiles of other married people on Ashley Maddison.

Now don’t get me wrong, marriage is a beautiful thing. There are plenty of people who are happily married, build amazing families, and have wonderful lives. Their lives and way of living are not the issue. I think a conscious partnership is amazing and I can’t wait to build a family with someone special. 

The real problem stems from the Ivory Tower of the heterosexual marriage union that seems to be threatened by sexual freedom. 

There’s a fear that families, religion, and society, will all come crumbling down around us should we embrace the sexuality born unto us as an innate human right.

It’s inevitable that systems will come crashing down which are built on the foundation of false truths.  

The craziest part of the obsession to preserve this pretend world is that we have all been cheating the system and going behind its back anyways. 

But it’s ok to cheat the system, isn’t it?! As long as no one is found out, right?

We’re told to hide our unmarried pregnant daughters from our so called “friends” and co-religionists because it will bring shame to the family. 

We can’t tell our parents or family about the woman or man we’ve fallen in love with because she/he’s from a different culture or religion. 

We reject our children because of their sexual orientation and we scoff at interracial marriage. 

We would rather see two people who do not love each other get married to satisfy a system that does not allow them to love on their own terms. 

We mutilate female genitalia and shame the feminine desire to explore THEIR bodies. THEIR BODIES! How ridiculous is that?!

All because of what?! To preserve a way of living that does not even embrace the very innate desire for sexual freedom and exploration? One that is not even built on love, kindness and acceptance.

This system seems doomed to fail, does it not?

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Our innate sexual desire is evident in our engagement of movies and media. The fanfare of “Fifty Shades of Grey” is not because we just like horrible writing and bad acting. It is because it represents our very deepest truth: EACH and EVERY ONE of us has a freak flag. And almost none of us let it fly. 

So we become addicted to the porn movies where the (bad) actors are doing everything we wish we were doing.

Is there not a potential danger to ignoring our needs and hiding from our desires?

Absolutely. And the proof is all around us.

What do we think sexual repression manifests as? I don’t need to be a scientist to come to the conclusion that rape, aggression, molestation of children, and fetishes that are hidden in the corridors of Craigslist, are in some way related to the inability for us to just be ourselves.

We are all so afraid to just be who we are. We have bought into a system that is held together by the threat of shame.

Imagine if we all lived by the ACTUAL truth:

There is no one way to do anything. And anyone who claims to have it all figured out is the very person to run from.

Imagine if it was ok for everyone to not know and to search for knowledge through experience. Imagine if we just did the best we could, each and every day.

Imagine if we were told to just play, see, and feel. 

To find out what works for US

Imagine if our mistakes were embraced, and better yet, encouraged!

Imagine if we were taught that by finding out what we do not want it will just further reinforce what we DO want.

Imagine a world where we got to choose and that our choices did not have to be the same as everyone else’s.

That all of our decisions just need to be guided by our human capacity and desire to be kind. If every decision we made were based on the answer to the question:

“What would love do?” 

I don’t know everything but I do know this:

You are the expert of you. You know you better than anyone. You know how you love. You know what feels good, and you know what your heart beats for. 

You know what you want to try and what you are curious about. 

You know what you seek. And the most beautiful thing of all, is that you are not committed to a life sentence because you made a decision when you did not know what you know today.

There is no “right way”. There is only your way. And no one knows your life better than you. 

Live YOUR truth.

relationship advice, dating advice, friends with benefits, men and women be just friends, relationships, dating, men, women, friends

Can Men And Women Be Just Friends?

Relationships often begin as friendships. And friendships often get lost in sex and the desire for “Friends With Benefits”.

But can men and women exist in the space of friendship alone?

I tackle this ever-long debate of whether Men & Woman can be just friends with reference to experience and some science that challenges my view.

What do you think about friendship between men & women? What has been your experience?

If I Can’t Handle You At Your Worst Then I Certainly Don’t Want You At Your Best

There’s this quote from Marilyn Monroe that is on every female Tinder profile, Instagram Bio, and any online dating platform. It’s shared on Facebook religiously and I’m sure that women would even put it on a resume if they could.

We get it. If we can’t handle all of your crazy then we don’t deserve your sane.

This mindset is not reserved solely for females.

A desire for pushing boundaries, being strong, an individual and not compromising at all is rampant among the generations of today.

I think it’s important to honour our boundaries and needs. It’s paramount to the success of relationships to ask for what you need and not compromise your dreams and aspirations.

Are some of us taking this too far though?

“If you truly loved me you would accept and love me for me. I shouldn’t have to change.”

Oh yes. Sometimes you should definitely change.

Realistically we should always be changing. We should always be growing to become better each and everyday. But we often don’t.

Some of us have a poisonous version of what “love” is and it’s not conducive to healthy relationships. 

There’s this giant misconception that if we knew what true love was we would stick through the worst. That no matter what, our vow to love and/or marriage should, and can, trump any situation. We are expected to work through anything and everything.

Let me be clear. That is bullsh*t.

This view gives the permission that we can do anything we want and there are no consequences.

This view is sometimes lived as: Push the boundaries, break the rules and test your partner’s patience.

And when we’ve pushed enough and our partner has reached their limit we’ll just say to them, “If you really loved me you’d try to work on things! You wouldn’t walk away.”

There’s absolutely and without a doubt a time to walk away.

Is it when he leaves the toilet seat up again? Or when she interrupts you for the ninth consecutive NFL Sunday while your fave team is tied with fourth and goal?

The second one may have some merit. 

Many people preach and utter comments about how today’s culture and generations let things go too easily and don’t fight for them.

I think in most cases that isn’t true.

I believe the generations of today and the culture we surround ourselves with expect more from relationships and we tolerate less of the sh*t that generations of the past were okay with.

We don’t learn the necessary skill sets as to what makes relationships thrive. I’m not sure that’s necessarily a fault of our culture and generation, but more so the constructs of our educational system.

Why not teach how to have fulfilling relationships? It would’ve served me much more than the pythagorean theorem. 

a2+b2 = #whogivesaf*ck

In addition, we didn’t know we needed to have great relationship skills. Add to that the ability to be vulnerable and express our emotions. I couldn’t even imagine having that conversation with my Grandfather and telling him he needs to open up more to Grandma. I’m pretty sure he would’ve ashed his cigarette on my sensitive heart.

This is because marriages of the past weren’t on average born out of love. We didn’t expect life long monogamy and we only lived till the age of thirty-five. Makes things a little easier doesn’t it?!

Marry someone, be their friend, have some sex, raise some kids, and grow not-old together.

If we all replicated the way most people in the early 1900s operated in relationships there would be some seriously single men and women out there. Because now women don’t put up with as much sh*t as they used to. They will, more often than not, walk away from abusive, patriarchal, dominant and controlling relationships.

As they should.

And that’s why there is a demand for emotionally vulnerable and mindfully aware men today. Because more is expected of us.

And we want to give more.

In our defence, a lot of our time is spent trying to figure out the constructs of relationships despite have literally just been raised by a lot of “Mad Men”-esque style households.

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Both men and women are learning that great relationships exist in a balance. They operate and embrace an environment that is largely free of extremes.

When we are not constantly checking in and seeing how one-another are doing we end up playing catch-up. Two years down the road when sh*t hits the fan it is going to feel next to impossible to work through things.

You know why?

Because two years of work is daunting. Two years of conversations we’ve been avoiding and consistently hiding from sharing what is real for us – has us paralyzed. It has us ignoring the simple day-to-day conversations that keep our relationships thriving.

And that’s why it’s easier to walk away in those cases.

It’s easier to throw in the towel.

We can just start all over and create new dysfunction with the next significant other.

We’ll talk about sunshine and rainbows, have incredible sex and smile at all of the honeymoon relationship problems. “Oh sh*t, we ran out of condoms from all the sex we’re having!” “Oh my gosh! You got drunk and puked?! That’s ok! I love you!” “Your hair clogged my drain again?! Only the hair of a princess could do that!”

What if we dropped the fear of checking in?

What if we eradicated the desire to run from information we don’t want to hear?

What if we actually got real with ourselves and our partners?

Our lives and relationships would look a lot different.

If we consistently asked questions like:

“How are we doing?”

“Are we happy?”

“On a scale of 1-10 what kind of partner have I been this week? What would make me a 10?”

We don’t ask these questions because we don’t want to know that our relationship may require work. We don’t want to admit that we may not be being the best partner or have to acknowledge that we could be doing more.

Shouldn’t we want to?

Successful and thriving long term relationships embrace an environment of honesty. They don’t deliver and receive feedback as criticism.

They see their partner as a gateway to evolution. To becoming a better human being who operates with humility and knows that we don’t have it all figured out.

In the constant pursuit of appearing perfect we’ve failed to recognize that no one really has their sh*t together. That this relationship world is messed up and all we can really do is the best we can.

That’s it.

Are you doing the best that you can? Are you existing in a relationship dynamic where you’re getting what you need and providing your partner the same?

No one else is going to do it for you. Don’t wait to lose someone you love. Get real with yourself and your partner and recognize that great relationships are born out of choice.

You have to choose to want one. Once you make that choice then you can embrace the beautiful fact that you are the architect of your relationship and what you do in each moment creates that certain future.

Start Creating.

good man, evolved, emotional intelligence, communication skills, relationship advice, dating advice

Is The World Ready For Emotional Men?

We talk a lot about wanting men to be able to communicate their emotions, but do we really want them to own how they feel?

Have the men of generations past and the historical absence of emotional transparency created a lack of credibility when the men of today share how they feel?

I’m interested to know your thoughts. Please share in the comments below!

religion, dating advice, dating, relationship advice, relationships, love, marriage, vows

Is Choosing Religion The Same Thing As Choosing Love?

Anything in extreme is dangerous: exercise, food, sex, rules and of course… religion.

I want to make it clear that I support everyone’s choice of religion and spirituality. However, I have an issue when religious beliefs are put ahead of kindness, rationality, and most importantly, love.

I was scared to write this article for many reasons. One, religion is a complex animal. Even calling it an animal has already pissed ten people off. Two, religious belief runs deep: belief is part of a person’s core. The practice of religion, even within the same denomination, can be very different. So down the path I go. Don’t persecute me (pun intended).

I was born and raised as Catholic. We don’t choose the religion we’re born into. Dogma and doctrines are handed to us as we exit the womb. You follow the rules, at least until you’re old enough to make your own choices.

I went to Catholic school. I prayed. I followed most of the commandments and generally abided by the ‘rules’. Personally, I don’t think religion provides us with the ultimate definition of morality and integrity, but it often gives us a good starting point.

My mother was born in Ireland, and raised in a devout Catholic environment. My father, born in Alberta, Canada, was raised in a more flexible belief system with no specific denomination. They married for love and combined their belief systems. As I grew older, my parents were open to and encouraged me to explore more than just Catholicism. It was interesting what I began to see.

The first time I was exposed to the choice of religion over love was the story of my parents’ wedding.

My dad was previously married and had an amazing daughter (my sister) from his first marriage. When my Irish grandmother heard about his past, she wasn’t supportive. She was a devout Catholic, the kind that believed divorce is very wrong.

When my mother and father were married, arguably one of the most important days in a woman’s life, my grandmother chose not to attend. My father’s past was enough for my grandmother to judge his moral character and find it seriously wanting. Her church disliked divorce and single fathers, so how could my grandmother like my father or support her daughter’s marriage to him? Because of my grandmother’s religious beliefs, she dismissed one of the most important days in her daughter’s life.

Not attending a daughter’s wedding is hurtful, but more importantly, what is the mother’s message? That religion is more important than support and love?

Eventually, my grandmother met my father and was overjoyed when she discovered he was a tremendous man. She became open to a bright future despite missing some of the past. Everyone moved forward with a clean slate.

Understandably, it’s great to choose a partner of the same denomination so that we don’t have to explain all our beliefs and traditions. But sometimes we make choices just so we don’t rock the boat. Sometimes it seems easier to do what everyone else wants. That’s not a life for me. But that doesn’t mean it can’t be the life for someone else.

Since my parents’ marriage, I’ve seen many sad examples of choosing religion over love. I have a friend whose family disowned him because he was gay. Another friend’s family didn’t support her marriage because she married for love instead of accepting an arranged marriage (culture and religion often coincide). I have many friends who won’t marry outside of their religion for fear of their family’s disapproval.

dating advice, relationship advice, marriage, religion

This saddens me. It’s easier to find a human you connect with on a soul level than finding someone you connect with on a soul level who MUST be Catholic, Christian, Muslim, Jewish, Hindu, or Buddhist. But if a religious or culturally compliant marriage is what you want, I do not judge you.

However, if you judge others for choosing love and disown them, hurt them, or treat them with anything other than love and kindness, I invite you to consider a different path.

I invite you to choose acceptance and love.

I invite you to look at this world and all of its conflict and disharmony.

I invite you to examine how these choices that lack acceptance and openness are just micro versions of why we fight wars on a macro level.

We all want to be loved. We want to make babies and be accepted for who we are.

Stripped of the dogma we are born into, we are all one.

It’s really just Us.

As humans, first and foremost, love should be our first choice. So let’s choose love.

I know I do.

My question to you:

“If you met the man/woman of your dreams, who treated you amazing and had EVERYTHING that you wanted and you loved them from the bottom of your heart, would you turn them away because they believed in a ‘different’ God?”



Why I Wish You Would Cheat On Me

Sometimes our fears can truly get the best of us. We can exist in relationships that don’t satiate a single cell in our body. Often it’s a fear of looking in and asking the tough questions. Questions like, “Why am I feeling this way? Why is my relationship feeling disconnected? Should we still be together?”

But we don’t ask. In avoiding the pursuit of actionable knowledge we have the excuse to stay the same. We get to keep living in the story that, “This is what relationships are supposed to be like. We’re supposed to grow apart. No one is happy forever.”

I have such a deep understanding of what this feels like because I have known this scenario all too well myself.

We loved each other. Maybe not on a “elevated” or “enlightened” level. And in hindsight maybe it wasn’t whole. I can’t tell you because I didn’t have the awareness.

In that moment of time I had no idea how I had become so accustomed to monotony. To playing safe and not appreciating every wonderful thing about her. I don’t think I could’ve intellectually conversed about the current state of our relationship. It was a feeling. A deep sense in my heart that I wanted more. That this relationship had run its course.

But we stayed. We satisfied the “list”.

And isn’t that the greatest irony? That we won’t forego anything on the list for a higher level connection, but often we’ll skip right by needing a connection to satisfy the list.

Money, comfort, stability, appearance. All these things can have such a glaring spotlight that we fail to miss what we always knew: This relationship, for whatever reason, is not where I want to be.

We have this giant fear as humans:

When relationships grow apart we can’t let them go.

We can’t have them end.

Is relationship longevity really the sign of relationship success? If that’s true I know a lot of successful relationships with some sad people in them. This societal, cultural and religiously engrained belief system has us avoiding conversations and truths. And instead we embrace misalignment, constant anxiety, and the desire to “stay together” has us distancing ourselves further and away from who we are as individuals.

What an insane irony:

Needing to be with someone else has us becoming someone else.

Don’t we want more?! Don’t we crave more?! The reality of this is that your truth will always catch up with you. And this is why we cheat, disrespect our partners with words that scathe, and begin and continue to build a script that has us resenting ourselves for putting “Being Together” ahead of being ourselves. We are so afraid to go against the grain that we become another robot. Another person in society who says yes to the bullshit and reinforces our relationship dysfunctions and our fear of being an individual and being alone.

I’ve lived this. I lacked quality sleep. The line of behaviour that was acceptable with other women got greyer. I started to take her for granted. I got shorter tempered and being with her every day was a reminder of my misalignment.

I hated her for that.

Yet I chose it. Everyday. The pain was not enough for me to have an adult conversation and say from the largest space in my heart, “I love you dearly. I am no longer invested in this relationship, and I no longer wish to be. For that reason I need to let you go. To find a love that would love you in the way you deserve.”

My selfishness and my fear of hurting another human had me paralyzed. I wished she would just break up with me. I hoped she would get so tired of how I was behaving and the choices I was making that she would just leave me. Or, my ultimate plan, was if she cheated on me it would just make it so much easier. Because not being romantically in love anymore was not enough of a reason. If she cheated I would have to leave. How could I stay with someone like that? Everyone would respect my decision to walk away.

So she did. And I stayed.

I know. Mind blowing. 

And we worked it out. And we got right back to the same place we had been hovering for so long. I lived in a constant state of anxiety. Anxiety I chose.

We avoid the pain. We run from adult conversations that have us breaking hearts and changing lives into a more positive direction. A direction that aligns with our dreams and desires. It’s interesting this paradox. Maybe it’s that we’re scared we won’t meet someone new, or that they won’t be able to go on.

Imagine if we went about it differently.

Imagine if we spoke to people from the belief that they have all the tools they need. They will cope, they will find the space and strength to move forward, and that they will grow from the experience and be grateful for the role we have played in their life. And even if all of these tools are not present at the time of the breakup, they will reach out to their network and ask for help. And isn’t it crazy that this fear has US playing small? It has us sitting in mediocre love because that is better than stepping into the unknown.

The unknown is where the juice is. That’s what love is. Uncertainty. The fear of loss all whilst being buried in the deliciousness and exhilaration of merging hearts. Hearts that can never guarantee forever. With a soul that says to us,”I’m in this with you. I’m going to do my best to give you all of me…and when I no longer can I will let you go with love and appreciation for what we’ve shared.”

Every partner and experience is another piece of DNA that composes what love and relationships mean to us.

I finally had the conversation. We ended the relationship and we both moved on. We both survived, and we both have since loved again. Grateful for what we had taught one another and how we had set such a platform for what love meant to us. She will forever be one of the largest contributors to the man I am today. I cannot, and would never take back or change anything from the experience. What I can do to honour her and our experience is choose differently moving forward. I can take all of these learnings and bring them to the next relationship.

Know that your relationships are allowed to end. You’re allowed to not be in love anymore. You’re allowed to grow out of relationships. You can live and love any way that fills your heart. No one else has to live your life. So live it for you.

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Quit Being An Average Partner. 7 Ways To REALLY Show Up In Your Relationships.

I have always been really intrigued by what makes some relationships last and others not. I used to think it was the couples who were still together were the successful ones. I long since realized that staying together is not the mark of a great relationship. It’s the couples who are still happy who have my heart. This realization had me wondering:

What do happy couples do differently?

It’s no doubt that relationships are complex. Two people. Two pasts. And the complexities of two human hearts. How do we take such an amazingly convoluted equation and make it equal love and happiness?

What separates happy couples from the rest?

It’s their daily rituals. 

They have struggles. Just like all other couples, they experience ebbs and flows. The difference is in how they handle the ups and downs. These couples, in essence, have learned and observed different behaviours and habits and consistently (for the most part) live these.

Here are 7 ways that happy couples show up differently for one another:

1. Choice. They choose each other. Everyday. Their relationship isn’t dependent on their commitment to “forever”. It’s broken down moment by moment. They see arguments as an opportunity for growth and understanding. A chance to connect and get deeper.  Happy couples turn micro experiences in a macro choice. To be and grow together.

2. Individuality. They live independent lives. They have separate goals and dreams. They are individuals who are happy when alone, and choose to be together. Their relationship is another organism; one that they nurture and feed as a team. They still have ladies nights and boys trips. They participate in activities that feed their individual souls. It is through this commitment to themselves that they can fully show up in their relationship.

3. Love is a verb. Their actions speak so much more than words could never achieve. More importantly though, the intention behind their actions is love. Playing with her hair, stroking his arm, even the way in which they pass the salt has a way of demonstrating kindness. He doesn’t get her flowers because it’s Valentines Day, he gives them to her because it’s Tuesday. She doesn’t surprise him with his favourite latte because he wants one. She surprises him with it because she knows the smile it brings when he feels loved. Love is born through everything that we do. It is not reserved for words. Love, to these couples, is a verb.

4. Fights aren’t just fights. One of the biggest predictors of divorce from Dr. John Gottman’s research is the way in which we start an argument. Research shows that discussions invariably end the same way they begin. If we start an argument harshly by attacking our partner, we will end up with at least as much tension as we began with, if not more. Happy couples know that even the most difficult conversations can be communicated from a place of kindness. They start their arguments gently. They choose to communicate from a place of love.

5. They win. Together. When our partner comes home from work and tells us they just got a promotion, our immediate reaction is very predictive of whether our relationship will thrive or fail:

Unhappy couples will respond with a statement like,  “Oh great! Now you’re going to have to work more hours!”

Happy couples respond much differently. They allow their partner to savour the wins. They respond with something like, “That’s amazing! You’ve been working so hard. What are you most excited about in your new role?” This allows their partner to savour the excitement. To look back on all the things he/she has done to get to this point. Their home is a place of love and support, and their relationship is a space to celebrate and thrive.

6. Words become worlds. If number 4 and 5 didn’t stress it enough, I’ll say it again. Communication is the most important skill whether it’s in the boardroom or the bedroom. To be a high functioning partner, we need to be able to ask for what we need, as well as set and honour our boundaries. Our job is to create an environment where it is safe to communicate. That vulnerability is welcomed. Where pain and fear are embraced and pleasure is celebrated.

On top of that, relationship masters use humour constantly. There’s a reason that humour is one the most desired traits in a partner. Happy couples use humour to grow, connect, and have fun in every moment. They use it to diffuse tension and create a space in their relationship to laugh off the little things and allow joy to be experienced. Laughter is truly the best medicine. Happy couples know this.

7. Intimacy. Listening and sex are more interrelated than we may think. Happy couples take the time to connect on every level. Intimacy is not just sex, but every little interaction that makes each other feel special. The connection to sex? Men generally need sex to feel loved and women need to feel loved to want to have sex. The answer: Meet in the middle. Pun intended.


There’s no magic recipe that will make all couples work. The truth is that we’re all human, we all make mistakes, and we all have the ability to learn from those mistakes.

More importantly though, we don’t have to wait for relationship breakdowns to start learning.  We can all strive to be better partners. We just need to choose to.

Happy couples don’t have it all figured out. They weren’t born with any different innate skills than you or me. The real secret to becoming a happy couple and a high performer in a relationship is the willingness to show up and do the work. To commit and choose, day-in and day-out, and be ready to embrace and embody the desire to love and learn. There are times when you will not want to, and it will be in those times that you will need to make the choice.

The truth is that the success of our own relationships is up to us. We have the power to choose that this is the life and love we want. That moment is now.