As a society we make assumptions that women are complex beings and that men are straight forward and simple. No manual needed for us right? Then why, if I may ask, is it called a MANual? Hmmm…
(Yes – I’m hilarious, I know.)
Truth be told, all humans generally seek the same things; to feel loved, safe and understood.
Despite this, our fears can rule our lives and have us making decisions that keep us repeating the same mistakes, choosing the wrong partners, having relationships that don’t last and ultimately never fully opening our hearts.
Our fears of love often manifest from the same culprits; a fear of rejection, shame, and loss of connection.
These fears show up when we get scared of putting ourselves out there or if we take on the responsibility of having someone else’s heart in our hands. I personally know these fears all too well.
“There are two basic motivating forces: fear and love. When we are afraid, we pull back from life. When we are in love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement, and acceptance.”
~ John Lennon
I want passion, excitement and acceptance! Don’t you?!? Seems simple, doesn’t it?
If we all seek love, then why do we allow our fears to rule our lives rather than the expansive amazingness of love and desire?
And how do we leap into love?
This isn’t about dropping “L” bombs(“I love you”) on the first date or telling someone you’re falling for them right after you swiped right on Tinder. Get it together, you over–zealous psycho.
It is simply about taking the first step.
Whatever that step is, you’ll know.
And by taking the first step you invite the other to do the same.
What you are indirectly saying is, “I feel safe, here’s how much. Take my hand and leap with me.”
This lays the groundwork for a relationship based on vulnerability and unfiltered communication. You’ve probably heard about this before, right?! I feel like it’s the “Unicorn” from the Hot Crazy Matrix. It’s so rare, and what we all say we want, but rarely do we actually practice in our own lives.
What happens if they don’t reciprocate?!? What if they don’t love me back?!?
When you share how you feel, you discover the truth. Finding out where you fit with someone allows you to make decisions that are in the best interest of you and your heart. If they don’t love you back, or they are just not ready, or cannot reciprocate, you then have information you can act on. Vital Information that allows you to move forward in a direction that serves you finding not just any partner, but the RIGHT partner.
Your job is to never convince someone to stay, show up, or be the kind of partner you are capable of being.
Your job is to be the best version of yourself and then invite others to join you.
By doing that you make space for only high performers to show up. People who are flaky or incapable of loving at your level are not of interest to you anymore and as a result you won’t have anyone to fix. Move on.
Put your energy into finding and investing in love that serves your greatest self.
You are in charge of creating the environment that you want to love in.
If you want vulnerability, love, connection, and all that jazz, then you need to put in the work that goes along with what you profess.
Sure, it’s true that if you never love you will never be hurt.
That sounds nice and safe doesn’t it?
It also sounds like the most boring and predictable life ever. You only live once, and you sure as hell don’t want to get to your death bed and think back on all those times you never put yourself out there.
You get this one shot. Each moment of every day could be your last.
So, go home, light some candles, put on some slow jams (or hey – some super dirty rap music, whatever works), and tell your partner how you feel. I bet you‘ll score some booty too.
Win. Win. Win.